goodbye sugargirl

if i do not get a car soon i will have the most bewildering ass in Ingham county i swear. it has been a long time since i have had to do so much walking. thank goodness i finally have an ipod shuffle to listen to during all this walking i do. Thanks Peanut for the loaning of your portable music. i hate being out walking or on the bus without music. it increases my anxiety x100.

i am still on the job hunt but at least i have unemployment monies coming in to help me keep my cool apartment.

i’m trying very hard to be careful how i spend what little income i have but i did treat myself to a bus ride and an iced coffee yesterday. i needed to be out of the house for awhile and i’m glad i did. i had a nice chat with my friend Joey and then a pleasant surprise run in with my good friend Melody and got to hang with her for awhile. damn i miss my old Denny’s gang. i always forget how much we used to laugh. i was so happy back then. seeing Mel reminded me of that. when i finally get myself a car i swear i’m going to do my best to get another job waiting tables. i miss that too.

i had a bit of spender’s guilt yesterday but i think i was just freaked out cuz i haven’t had any money in so long. i put most of it in the bank so i forced myself to not freak out and got some reassurance from my honey so i’m trying not to worry too much.

my latest project is waiting on social services to tell me if they can help me get a car. we’ll see how that goes.

i put in an application at the cafe and part of me is afraid they’ll actually hire me.  partly because i’m terrified of starting a new job and partly because i’m afraid i’ll make less than what i’m getting on unemployment.

i did get some good news about my student loans. apparently i can get them deferred based on my low income so on monday i just need to fax them proof of my income and then wait for an application that i mostly just need to sign and send back and then my loans should be mostly taken care of unless i suddenly start making crazy amounts of money in the next 5 years or something. it would be nice to not have that $22,000 or so in debt looming over me. never should have gotten those loans, should have just stuck with the Pell Grants and should have seen a counselor right at the beginning and taken the right classes and gotten a degree right away but live and learn.

so here i am trying to be optimistic still and trying to be hopeful and see myself getting somewhere in this crazy life i have now. sometimes i’m bitter about the crazy turn my life has taken financially but honestly i’d rather live in a cardboard box than have that fuckwit making me feel like dirt everyday.

you don’t have to stay anywhere forever.